Sunday, January 3, 2010

The prologue!

So it's on it's sixth rewrite and I think I am finally pretty happy with it. Once it's done, I will be sending it out again for everyone to read, I'll get the feedback, incorporate it and have a shooting script.

The major change is that now, when the Glowerston ensemble enters, one of the reporters will ask about the recent death threat the Baron has received. Glowerston waves it away as another member of the party starts looking shifty.

At the end of the prologue, right before the final photo is taken, the shifty fellow pulls a weapon and apparently attempts to kill Glowerston. Wu is too fast, however, and before the camera's shutter is clicked or Glowerston is shot, the would-be assassin is dead. The final photograph shows the various players reaction to the killing.

The reason I added this bit of business is to throw in some additional tension based on a comment one of my readers made about how my earlier script was "more telling than showing." I tend to rely on dialogue too much, and in this case, a silent film, it's even more crucial that I captivate my viewer with action rather than people talking to one another.

5 comments:

  1. Always SHOW then Tell. That was a very insightful comment your reader made. I would think especially in silent films since everytime there is a dialogue banner (Dialogue card) the film comes to a complete sop as people read)

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  2. I think he meant to say "complete stop" :)

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  3. Hey- where is that NEW-Improved treatment anyways? ;)

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  4. It should be up. I'm writing in Final Draft so I'm not always updating the google docs...

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