Herman I. Copperthaite introduces Adventures in Science!

Here it is. Remember, we made this entire thing in less than eight days (five of which I was working so I couldn't spend that much time on it!) All in all, I think it is pretty impressive, and I hope that you also get a laugh or two while watching!

The prologue!

So it's on it's sixth rewrite and I think I am finally pretty happy with it. Once it's done, I will be sending it out again for everyone to read, I'll get the feedback, incorporate it and have a shooting script.

The major change is that now, when the Glowerston ensemble enters, one of the reporters will ask about the recent death threat the Baron has received. Glowerston waves it away as another member of the party starts looking shifty.

At the end of the prologue, right before the final photo is taken, the shifty fellow pulls a weapon and apparently attempts to kill Glowerston. Wu is too fast, however, and before the camera's shutter is clicked or Glowerston is shot, the would-be assassin is dead. The final photograph shows the various players reaction to the killing.

The reason I added this bit of business is to throw in some additional tension based on a comment one of my readers made about how my earlier script was "more telling than showing." I tend to rely on dialogue too much, and in this case, a silent film, it's even more crucial that I captivate my viewer with action rather than people talking to one another.

Mulvey's character arc

• Mulvey and Grimmauld fought for the Union in the civil war.
• Despite the master/servant relationship found in so many Jules Verne stories, Grimmauld is constantly reminded of the difference in class.
• Mulvey signs a contract to invent for Glowerston Industries. His first task is to design and oversee the construction of the Hypatia.
• He falls in like with Coraline. They make plans to wed.
• Mulvey and Fanny are childhood friends. He's happy to see her and doesn't understand her cold shoulder.
• Glowerston has no interest in going to the moon. His contract demands he begin the next project at Glowerstons whim, which happens to be a trip to the ocean floor.
• He is told that Glowerston has found the location where his fathers ship went down which peaks his interest and gives him initiative to build the bathysphere.
• Once at the bottom of the trench, Glowerston shows him in no uncertain terms he is nothing but a tool. He is there to recover a mystical artifact and is expendable. Fanny intervenes, saving them.
• After recovering the sword, he voids his contract with Coraline's help, and secures funding to go to the moon. They marry. He builds his moon ship.
• Once on the moon, he is assaulted by Grimmauld- it turns out Grimmauld was paid by Glowerstons second to kill him. Mulvey honestly did not see it coming.
• Mulvey accidently kills Grimmauld.
• On his return, a bomb that Glowerstons second set goes off, killing Coraline and disfiguring both Mulvey and Glowerston.
• Fanny shows up. Finally, he realizes that he's been a boob and with Fanny's help, they plot their revenge against Glowerston and his second.

Fanny's character arc

• She and Mulvey are childhood friends. When they meet again after a number of years, he's kind of a pompous jerk.
• She falls in love with a Chinese warrior named Wu in the employ of her father.
• Her father has made a deal with his second in command for her hand in marriage, which she puts off as long as she can.
• After a wedding date has been set, she and Wu escape together to China. They live there for a number of years.
• Her father, in an attempt to salvage the contract with his second pays an assassin to kill Wu and their boy and bring her home.
• Wu's bodyguards fail to protect him, but are able to save the child.
• She returns to Boston on the down low, contacts Mulvey and together they hatch a plan for revenge.
• She and Mulvey are able to be friends again.

A lot of rewriting, a lot of time spent with my son.

Haha. So, I think I finally have all the plot points nailed down.

1. The prologue is much more argumentative and Mulvey is no longer a reactive geek; he's more of a character with a spine, although he is still pretty innocent of the way those in power use people. He's also more of product of the Victorian period so that's where his character arc will go, in an attempt to discard it. Fanny plays a bigger role here too. I also removed the mother in law character.
   
2. The Descent should be a lot more exciting now- and the ships graveyard will be much more of a central location. It's here where Mulvey realizes he is expendable, but he's got an ace up his sleeve.
3. Huzzah the Moon is simpler. Grimmauld is paid to kill Mulvey on the moon and Farnsworth sets in motion a backup plan. We also learn that Glowerston had his daughters husband murdered and Coroline is now killed at the end, which makes the third chapter all the more tense.
4. In Revenge, now Fanny and Mulvey team up to destroy Farnsworth and Glowerston. Originally, the entire story took place in the sky where as now, I will be showing more plotting going on which makes the effects I have to do a little easier. (Less shots to worry about...) In addition, the endgame was Fanny's to play, and now both of them have their hand in it- A friend of mine hated that Mulvey disappeared in the third act.
   

The one sentence description: part 2.

I've been thinking about this one a lot over the last several days.

One of the comments I got early on was that Mulvey was too passive. Once I heard that, several other people agreed and so I started thinking about this journey. What happens after revenge is gained? What does revenge cost? And how can I make this story interesting with a complete character arc while still maintaining a four chapter film where each chapter can stand on it's own?

Tough.

My friend Karen was instrumental in helping me get over that hurdle.

So here we go.

The story is about a relative innocent who tries to follow his dreams, loses everything to conspiracy, vows revenge and only after achieving it discovers he was following the wrong ones.

I retain the right to change this again!

The one sentence description:

Adventures in Science is about a naive inventor who is wronged and vows revenge, only to realize the price was his innocence.

At least that's what I *think* it's about. I'm still working on it. The goal needs to be immediate AND obvious.